Winter Wonderland

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Readers

I know it’s been ages. I know I’ve been remiss in my duties in recent months. But it was fantasy football season, and since I usually write these at work, which is also where I watch football on the internet and compare stats for hours on end, I was pretty short on time. Plus every once in a while some asshole has the gall to demand that I do some work.

But never fear: football’s almost over and I’m quitting this stupid job soon, so I plan on doing as little work as possible over the next couple months.

As a bonus, it’s winter time in Korea. Winter in Korea is miserable, so you know I’ll have plenty to write/bitch about. The only positive thing I can think of to say about winter here is that it’s so fucking cold the raw sewage smell seeping up through the sidewalks is somewhat dampened by the frost.

This pleasant effect of the cold temperature is more than mitigated by the effect winter has on my shitbox apartment. As was the case last year, winter has brought on an onslaught of mold that no amount of bleach can cure. I’ve never seen anything quite like it; last season I literally peeled strips of mold off the walls around the windows. Nowadays there is no wallpaper left, so the mold is forced to cling to concrete. After I bleach the walls the stains combine with mosquito blood from last summer to create a rather morbid spectacle. Sort of like a zombie’s apartment – if that zombie had a maid.

Of course the zombie would not bathe, and thus would not have to suffer through the misery that is my shower in the wintertime. My landlord is a nice guy, but when it comes to the water heater he’s either retarded or just a sadist. The heater (which more aptly would be called a “warmer”), sits outside in the cold, encased only in a plywood box with no door. Even though we leave the heat on when we’re away the pipes managed to freeze last month. Watching the landlord defrost them with a blowtorch was amusing. He told us that when it gets really cold we have to leave our water running all night to prevent pipe-freeze.

Even when the pipes work the water isn’t hot. Actually that’s not quite true: it’s scalding hot for about 30 seconds, and then freezing cold. Somehow the heater saves up just enough juice to blow one flaming load when u first step in the shower – but then it goes limp as soon as u come back for more. My landlord doesn’t believe me when I tell him there’s a problem. He seems to think I simply enjoy having him over for a chat whilst standing around in a towel.

But this is it - last winter in Korea. Soon I will leave this moldy, frozen, sewage-smelling dump and trade up for a new city. How’s London this time of year?