A Farewell to Ahns

Dear massive, adulatory fan base

You knew the day would have to come when we became so fed up with life here that no amount of spiced cabbage and rice wine spiked with antifreeze (known to the Kims as "Sochu") could make it better. It has happened - our korean sun is setting, our train is leaving the station, our short film is just a money shot and a towel short of completion. That's right, Wake Me and Wex are outa Seoul in 36 hours.

It's been one year, 6 months and 19 days, and I've lost that lovin feelin. I can no longer tolerate the raw sewage smell greeting me at every corner, the wicked old women sneering at me on the bus, nor the assholes on scooters trying to run me down on the sidewalk. I still love the shiny suits and snowstorm miniskirts, but they can no longer compensate for my retarded job, where recently they appointed a bio chemist to be the head of my marketing division. the guy has never even sold a fucking toothbrush and now I'm supposed to take orders from him - no, no i'm not.

So i quit that shitbox job and am now officially working on my novel... Of course as you might imagine my departure from that ill-fated enterprise was as silly and annoying as my year long tenure there. I was subjected to an endless barrage of well wishing Kims who insisted on taking me out to lunch so that we could have awkward conversations about how everybody wishes they too had the balls to quit their pointless job and leave this ass backwards country. These conversations were spliced between inspiring farewell discussions such as my general manager's discourse on why dog meat is better for humans than beef. This is because humans are omnivores, and so are dogs, whereas cows only eat grass. We should eat creatures that share our appetites. (this is why the best meat of all is human flesh - goes great with pickles).

Before I slapped this moron across the face with my delicious T-bone, I demanded how his brilliant logic applied to the Kims favorite food, pork. Well everyone knows pigs have a special body chemistry that makes their fat more suitable for human consumption than beef fat. I will truly miss the Korean version of science that people here use to justify every ridiculous thing they believe. It's more entertaining than American logic, which tends to ignore science in favor of lessons from people who can walk on water and/or part seas.

But I digress. In less than two days I shall no longer have amusing arguments about the virtues of dog meat how it leads to cannibalism. Nor will I have to deal with scum-sucking assholes in HR who are forcing me to sue them over my severance pay. I leave all that bullshit behind me and step out into the great unknown, which is to say this great recession i've been hearing so much about. What better time to be unemployed? I'll have lots of company on the couch.

But lest ye think that my imminent parting wants for a little sweet sorrow, allow me to give a final shout out to all the poor seouls I'll be leaving behind. My friends and bandmates in this lame town have made the journey a fun one, despite all the crap this blog has detailed. I may not have learned much in my inane job, but I certainly leave Korea richer in friends and life experiences, and for that I (and Wake Me too) am grateful. So aniyeong, my korea homies. Hope to see you all again soon, but not back here.

every inch of my love
Wex