$500 Shoes... still lives with his mom

When I was in Thailand with my pops this xmas we were wandering through some mall trying to find an internet café (the hotel had all the porn blocked) and along the way decided to check out some fancy stores. Pops commented that even on sale the name-brand shit was way more expensive than in the states and inquired “who the hell pays this much money for this crap”? Having spent over a year in Korea I was ready with the answer: “the Asians do”.

Since living here I’ve noticed something about the Kims that I suspect is common to all East Asian societies – they drop a shitton of loot on overpriced clothes/accessories. I’m not just talking about rich people either. All the Kims find it necessary to spend every cent of their disposable income on fancy name brand crap they don’t need. In fact most of them go beyond disposable income and simply drop all the cash they have on Prada shoes, Gucci glasses, Louis Vuitton briefcases, and Ferragamo belts. That kind of stuff is seen as a social necessity and people who don’t sport it are shunned and mocked.

I know you’re thinking you’ve seen this before, that everybody in New York and LA does the same thing. But trust me; they don’t kick it like the Kims. The most superficial Upper East Side princess to ever throw up martini on her Cockapoo at Elaine’s has never spent such a percentage of her husband’s wealth on fashion.

It’s a sad situation, but it’s also funny. Despite their excesses most of the Kims dress like clowns. This is partially because of bad fashion sense, but also because the average Kim cannot afford to completely bling out. Note that I only referenced accessories above. That’s because most Kims work like slaves for pathetic paychecks, so they can’t afford to actually buy fancy clothes. The prices here are so inflated that all your average salaryman/woman can swing is accessories. They can’t afford a Prada suit or dress, so they settle for Ferragamo shoes. In a way this is economical, since the accessories can be warn far more often than any item of clothing. But it produces an hilarious spectacle, because the aforementioned fashion sense gets in the way of what bling they can afford.

In my office I routinely see guys walking around with $500 shoes, $300 belts and $1K watches - in shiny suits that would barely pass muster at Kmart. The suits literally look like they were stitched together by some 6th grade Home-Ec class. The chicks wear sweaters that would make your grandma look cool, but they all have that Gucci bags. Apparently actual style is not what they pay for, just the ability to flaunt a big name. (Literally: the name on the item must be as bold as possible, with any tags sporting said name deliberately left sewn in, like a yuppie Korean rap video).Anybody who cared about style would divide that money into a few different respectable outfits instead of 3 really fancy accessories, but not the Kims.

But the ridiculous appearance of these cats is overshadowed by an even more amusing fact – they all still live with their moms. Take the guy on my team who works next to me. He sports a $2K Omega watch, some kinda fancy mail order shoes from Italy, and owns 4 different cashmere scarves (from Burberry, Sax, etc…). Like everybody else on my team, the dude has a $200 Montblanc pen that he carries with him everywhere. Since nobody really needs to take notes on the pointless work we do around here, my man uses his Montblanc pen to doodle whenever possible. He talks shit about my fake designer belt and ties from China ($3 a pop), but my rejoinder is simple: He lives with his friggin mom.

The guy is 32 years old and unmarried. He actually dresses a lot better than most Kims, probably because his mommy buys him decent (non Home-Ec manufactured) suits. But at the end of the day, dude is still not married (strange for a Korean) and he never gets laid. What is the point of all his bling? Wouldn’t the poor bastard be better off if he sold his fancy accessories and put a deposit on an apartment? I guarantee he would at least have a little better shot with the ladies. And yet, without a hint of irony, my male colleagues will defend cohabitation with their parents as a pecuniary prerequisite. It costs too much to live alone, the Kims opine.

That’s fine with me, since I’ve been replacing his brand name gear with Chinese replicas for months now. If somebody’s gonna look fly around here, it will have to be me.