Have you ever awoken on a Saturday morning to find yourself in a Nazi death camp? Nein? If you would like to have a piece of that experience and still get to keep the majority of your gold teeth, I recommend spending a weekend in a Seoul residential neighborhood. Every Saturday I awake to some old bastard screaming in a megaphone like an SS Officer:
"Hey Assholes! Buy some fucking bananas right Now! You will wake up and come buy these bananas! Holy crap these bananas are amazing and cheap. Buy them or I will bury you in an unmarked grave"
At least that's what it sounds like he's saying. My Korean isn't good enough to decipher megaphone commands, but the death camp tone is definitely established. I know he's selling bananas, or some other crap you can already easily acquire at any corner store, because the bastard parks his truck right in front of my house. Sometimes he walks up and down the street with a megaphone. Other times he sits in the truck and uses a recording, blasting from the speakers on top of the truck.
The best part is when other trucks come buy selling more shit I don't need - then we get dueling megaphones! Usually it's fruit or fish, but sometimes these assholes have the gall to scream about chestnuts or cheap shoes. I even saw a guy with a hat and visor truck. Who the hell is lying in bed on a Saturday morning thinking to themselves "damn, I could really use a new cheap plastic sun-visor...oh great! the visor truck is here!" ???
What's more, I'm pretty sure I've never even seen anyone buy anything off these obnoxious old bastards. I for one wouldn't buy his bananas and sun visor if I were starving to death on a sunny day - that would only convince him that his Nazi tactics had succeeded.
So the other day I went outside, determined to punish the two trucks together by hurling rocks and epithets. I discovered there was only 1 truck. The banana-selling Himler had the truck speakers cranked, and was walking around in a circle adding his megaphone to the fray. There's no way anyone could hope to understand what the two of him were screaming about, so I can only assume he's been hired by the Korean government to torture me.
2 comments:
Wexford, your entries are becoming angrier by the week. It seems your patience for the Kims declines the more time you spend. What happened to the days of bemused annoyance? Perhaps an entry from Wake Me is needed to keep you from blowing your lid completely.
hahaha
oh, if you only knew. Wake Me is too enraged to even write, for fear that her diatribe will rage out of control. i'll tell her u miss her though, and i'll be sure to post something more bemused soon. i actually found the burning doves kind of amusing, but i feigned indignation 'caus wake me likes birdies.
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