Blastin a duke at work

Those of you expats who live in Korea will no doubt be familiar with the strange bathroom habits in this country (the Kims could turn brushing teeth after lunch into an Olympic Sport - but removing the reek of Kimchi is impossible). I can't say for certain, but I'm willing to bet that the following experience basically describes most Asian offices:

You get to work early - say around 7:30 or so. You're dead tired because you had to get up at 6am and you couldn't go to sleep till 1 or 2 because you don't get home till 9pm and u gotta spend at least 3 hours with the wife and kids, plus one hour naked in the bathroom with a gun in your mouth.
After a morning meating during which you fabricate an action plan for the day that sounds remarkably similar to what you did last week, you check emails till about 8:30. By 9am, it's time to blast a duke, so you head to the toilet - empty handed.

I stress empty handed because you never see Koreans roll in with the paper, as we Westerners often do (I actually bring in my PlayStationPortable sometimes, caus there ain't no english papers in this office). Now, despite this apparent lack of reading material, the Kims will proceed to sit on the bowl for as long as 30 minutes. In total silence. Not even shitting sometimes. I'm not shitting you.

How would I, Wexford Sunshine, know that my colleagues regularly spend the better part of their morning ostensibly blasting a duke? Because I have studied. I am no turd-sniffing pervert, mind you. But sometimes a particularly tough game on my PSP requires me to extend my own restroom sojourn to lengths of up to 15-20 minutes. Now, when I roll up on the john, I can see by the closed doors that some stalls are clearly occupied upon my entrance. I also often hear breathing, and of course the occasional Hershey squirt. But in a majority of my mornings, even after 20 minute sessions, I never hear a flush, nor a stall door open.

Thus I have estimated that many guys around here (I will leave it to my associate Wake Me When it's Over to confirm if this applies to women), spend at least half an hour a day on the toilet. What could they be doing, if they have nothing to read, nor any PSP to play games on (I would hear the buttons being pressed if they did)?

I believe they nap.

Every day, most koreans nap on the bowl for at least 30 minutes. Now this should tell us something about productivity in this country. It should also tell us a bit about how absurdly overworked these poor bastards are - and by overworked I mean forced to stay late and arrive early, not given complex yet meaningful tasks that actually require thought and effort.

We'll have more on the topic of Productivity:Working Hours in my next post, but for now I leave you with this thought: What happens to the brain and psyche of someone who spends so much time inhaling restroom fumes? Do they dream of a porcelain paradise? Maybe I'll find out next time I need a nap.